For Your Amusement: PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS AMONG WORLD LEADERS

“Tell me, Vlad. This bounties thing. Is it anything I need to be concerned about?”

“Not in the least, D-J-T. It’s all nonsense. Foolishness. Why would we pay Taliban to do what they already do? … You just wait. It’ll all blow over. Deny. Deny. Deny, my friend.”

“That’s what I thought. I told the generals to handle it. They get all excited when intelligence makes a new discovery. Then, one of them idiots leaks it to the New York Times. You’re lucky you don’t have to deal with a friggin’ free press.”

“I feel your pain, my friend. But, have a little faith. Our intelligence indicates you’ve made significant inroads in tearing it down. More and more of your people are calling it fake news.”

“I know. I know. Four more years and I think they’ll fold. Once I get rid of them and the Post, it’ll just be my tweets and Fox.”

“That’s music to my ears. What else can I help you with?”

“Nutso Nancy.”

“The bitch?”

“I can’t call her that. At least not in public. Got any idea how I can get her off my back?”

“We could take her out… Stop smiling, DJT… I was just kidding… You know if we did that those shitforbrains Democrats would make AOC Speaker and that little spitfire would be in your face all the time.”

“Dickhead Democrats. So, how do I handle Nancy?”

“Keep pushing the Nutso narrative. She’s not all there. She’s delusional. She’s a liar and can’t be trusted. Remind people you’re the stable genius in the room… I’m so glad we came up with that one.”

“That was a good one. But I came up with, ‘there are good people on both sides,” all by myself.”

“You sure did.”

“And now I can use it to defend my position on statues of Confederate generals. I get to keep my racist base in the South and win over the Midwestern moderates by claiming I was trying to preserve a history of when America was great.”

“You really are a stable genius, my friend. Anything else?”

“Yeah. Are you sure your buddies are still going to secure my loans if things don’t go our way in November?”

“Of course, I didn’t earn sixty billion of your American dollars turning on friends… well, maybe a few… but just the ones who wanted Russia to become more democratic… Don’t worry, D-J-T, we all love Made-of-Legos. Worst comes to worst, you can always go back to The Tower.”

“Thanks, Vlad.”

“Sure, my friend. You’ll excuse me, now, because I have to take off my shirt and go for a ride. You should try it some time.”

“I’d love to, but I can’t. You know… the hair.”

“And the belly. Try some crunches, my friend. Ciao!”

“Ari-ver-der-che.”

Any similarity to reality is purely coincidental. All characters are fictitious creations of the author. Special thanks to Dave Granlund for drawing an image nearly identical to the one used here.