For Your Amusement: THE JOEY-MAC & TRICKY-DICKY SHOW: STARRING DJT

Joey-Mac: So, I hear Ol’ Blondie has taken a few tricks out of your playbook.

Tricky-Dicky: Can you blame him? He saw how well that law and order shit worked for the old trickster. You had to know that sooner or later he’d take credit for it.

Joey-Mac: Guy has no respect for history, does he? He acts like he’s the first guy to claim Democrats are a bunch of pinko socialist commies.

Tricky-Dicky: Yeah, well, he can get away with that shit. He’s got one of those pretty-boy faces that plays well on TV, like that Kennedy asshole.

Joey-Mac: Kennedy. I had to deal with his younger brother when he was barely out of law school That pompous twit.

Tricky-Dicky: But you had that shyster lawyer. Ah, what’s his name?

Joey-Mac: Cohn.

DJT: Cohen? Michael Cohen? That two-faced-coward-I’ll-take-a-bullet-for-ya-bullshit-Michael-Cohen?

Joey-Mac: No. No. Roy Cohn.

DJT: Roy Cohn. Yeah, he was a great lawyer. Taught me the three things you have to know to win every legal battle.

DJT and Joey-Mac (in unison): Deny, Deny, Deny.

Tricky-Dicky: I tried that. Didn’t work.

DJT: Hey, I know you. You’re the one who resigned rather than let them impeach you. What a mistake. Big mistake. They impeached me and now I’m able to say and do whatever the fuck I want.

Tricky-Dicky: But they had the evidence.

DJT: So what? Don’t let anyone respond to the subpoenas. Don’t turn over the tapes. And whatever they say…he puts his arm over Joey-Mac’s shoulder.

DJT and Joey-Mac (in unison): Deny, Deny, Deny. They laugh and shake hands.

DJT: Who the hell are you?

Joey-Mac: Name’s McCarthy. Joe McCarthy.

DJT: Oh, yeah. I see the resemblance. You’re Melissa’s dad, right? Loved her on SNL as Spicey. I know I denied it back then. Didn’t want to hurt the little guy’s feelings.

Tricky-Dicky: Yeah. Like you give a shit about anybody’s feelings. Love how you came down hard on those protesters. Give’m the old law and order bullshit. Works every time.

DJT: Except when some guy chokes.

Joey-Mac: Mean like when the cop put his knee on that colored guy’s neck. That was one helluva choke hold.

DJT: Colored? I love it, Joey. You ain’t tainted by none of this PC garbage.

Joey-Mac: Hell no. None of their commie crap stuck to old Joey-Mac. If I labeled them a commie they was a commie. And no honest decent citizen would hire them. It was unAmerican.

DJT: Like that diversity bullshit. Can you believe them training people to think white people are privileged and responsible for some kind of racism I can’t even pronounce?

Tricky-Dicky: Systemic.

DJT: That’s it, Tricky. Thanks. Systemic. I’ll tell you what’s systemic. The fuckin’ press is systemic. They’re trying to systemic me right the hell out of my re-election.

Joey-Mac: Of course, they are. They’re all a bunch of freedom of speech, liberal ass commies. They had the nerve to go looking for evidence that what I said wasn’t the hundred percent truth. Drove me to my death.

Tricky-Dicky: Me, too. Even after I was out of office that sneaky David Frost kept coming after me.

DJT: They have no moral compass. That guy who broke your story, Tricky. You know the one. Woodward.

Joey-Mac: The one Redford played in the movie.

Tricky-Dicky: Shut the fuck up. I hate that movie.

DJT: He pretended to be on my side. I took him into my confidence. And now he shows the world I knew this virus thing was going to be worse than any flu.

Joey-Mac: Deny, Deny, Deny.

Tricky-Dicky: He’s right. Deny, Deny, Deny.

DJT: I know. Deny that it’s a problem. Deny that racism is systemic. and most importantly, Deny I ever lied to the American people.

They all laugh.

Any similarity to reality is purely coincidental. All characters are fictitious creations of the author. Special thanks to Russ Cook for drawing an image nearly identical to the one used here.